Body Positivity and the Pressure to Lose Weight

My weight has been an issue my entire life.  I was always the fat kid in school.  But it never bothered me.  I was teased a bit but I knew I was a good person.  I have heard it before but "Is fat the worst thing a person can be?"  I could be a drug dealer, a murdered, a giant asshole.  Inside, I am a great friend, a good daughter and an excellent employee.  I take care of my husband, my house, my cats and do whatever I can for my family.  So why is the one thing people remember is that I am fat?

I worked hard for 18 months to improve my health and along with that, I lost weight.  My blood sugars, blood pressure, pulse, cholesterol and heart health are all fantastic.  I work out 2 to 4 days a week and have incredible amounts of energy.  So why am I looked down on because of my weight?  Why do random people feel they can come up to me and "be concerned" about me because I am fat?  They don't know me nor my story.

I'm in the best shape and healthiest of my life.  Yet, according to standards, I am an unhealthy drain on society.  I am unable to get life insurance, I am a high risk for health insurance, and an apparent drain on society's resources.  I am unable to adopt a child because my husband and I are considered high risk.  Why?  Basically they assume we are unhealthy and will die before the child is grown up.

I work 40 hours a week, am not on any "assistance", pay all my own bills and don't ask for or get any hand outs.  But I am considered less of a person because I am fat.  Amidst even the "body positive" people, I am still considered too big.  I guess all I have to say is FUCK YOU AND YOUR STANDARDS.

Kristy's Weight Loss Journey: I Jumped Ship

I jumped off the weight loss ship.  I took off my FitBit.  I stopped going to the gym.  I haven't been on Instagram.  I haven't opened the blog page.  I haven't logged or weighed my food.  It's been about 2 weeks.  But guess what?  My weight hasn't changed.  I haven't went up or down.  Let me take you back to my last blog and let's go from there.

In my last blog I was talking about my experience with Intermittent Fasting and the Keto lifestyle.  With Intermittent Fasting, I found myself being stuffed and feeling sick in the evenings.  The first two weeks weren't bad but after that I just felt like it wasn't working for me.  I can see how it would work for some people.  And perhaps for me, the lack of carbs and the fasting were a bad combination.  As far as Keto, I am not strict about it and I do not test my ketones.  I just stick with super low carb, avoiding bread, potatoes, pasta and rice.

I had about a week vacation planned so I knew I wouldn't be tracking my food.  I decided to leave my FitBit at home so I wouldn't have to worry about charging it while away.  The only thing I miss about it is looking at the time.  I have been at this for 20 months now.  I still want to lose more weight but I don't have a time limit.  I also don't want to have to miss out on some fun because I am afraid of what to eat or drink.  So on vacation, I ate, drank and was generally merry.

I left from work on Tuesday afternoon and headed to Olympia to pick up my sister.  Her and I then drove up to the Bainbridge Island area to the Clearwater Casino and Resort to meet our friend Brenda for a few days.  Brenda was at a work conference but she was free at night.  Tuesday night we went to a fee comedy show at the Sports Bar at the Resort.  They had an incredible deal of a burger, a beer and a shot for $10!  We all got Fireball and burgers and laughed our butts off.

The next morning we had Crab Benedict on the terrace before Brenda had to go off to class.  Kari and I ventured into town for a little shopping.  I got a killer deal on some clearance clothes at Target and some nice stuff at a consignment shop called Curvy QT.  When Brenda was done for the day we went to the pool and hot tub and laid out there for a while.  We came back, took showers and headed to dinner at the buffet.

Thursday morning we had breakfast at the cafe again and said our goodbyes.  Kari and I headed to our Mom's to pick her up and then we went to Kari's and Mom and I headed to my house.  We stopped in Longview and picked up my husband to go to the Oregon Dunes near Winchester Bay.  I was in the car from 8 am until around 5 pm.  By the time we got there, I was completely done.  I had some drinks and don't remember much after that until I woke up the next day.

We basically sat around the campfire for the next 2 days and just relaxed.  Thank goodness we did because our drive home on Saturday was a crazy one.  We got stopped once for a brush fire and a second time by 5 police cars blocking I-205 for a hostage situation.  Our 6 hour drive turned into 9 hours.  When we finally got home, around 5 pm, we both went to bed.  I woke up 13 hours later, feeling amazing.

Back to work on Monday and back on my routine.  I skipped the gym Monday because work was a bit crazy but Tuesday I did a heavy arm day.  Then Wednesday I had a doctor's appointment on Vancouver so I had to miss and Thursday I did squats which nearly killed me.  I had zero energy and every movement felt extremely heavy.  Friday I was the sorest I have ever been.  My abs, legs, arms and shoulders hurt so badly.

All in all, I am still going to be losing weight, just not being so stringent.  I will probably go back to tracking my food and my exercise but I may not use my FitBit much more.  In order to make this more sustainable, I have to be able to do it without any of these tools.  To know my body's needs and capabilities.  Losing weight is the easy part of all of this.  The mental struggle is by far the hardest.

Josh's Journey: The Trouble With Stress

About a month ago, our family got together and decided to work on getting healthier.  I figured that I'd have the easiest time.  I had already been going to the gym, was trying to eat healthier and getting a decent amount of sleep.  I was so wrong.

I came to the realization that maybe I wasn't as in shape as I thought.  Especially after tracking what I was eating.  Soon after, I started to falter.  And I fell hard.  I started to eat really badly.  As far as the gym, well let just say I was paying them to keep the dust off my locker.  Work was really starting to get stressful with big numbers to hit and my sleep declined.  I was tossing and turning all night and getting up early for no reason.  I just could not sleep.

But, this is a new week and I need start some place.  I still have a lot to do at work and since I am still getting up early,  why not go to the gym and use what I am paying for?  I know that it always makes me feel better!  One of the perks of going super early to the gym is that there are very little people there so I am not fighting for equipment.  I have a good routine, start with cardio then free weights.  Abs on Tuesday, legs on Wednesday, back on Thursday, free day on Friday to hit what ever I missed. 

I might only have 30 to 45 mins to workout every morning but I am going to get back to it.  This should help manage my stress at work and at home which in turn will improve my sleep.

Luckily my gym is right next to where I start my day.  Overall this should be one of the smartest and healthiest decisions I have made.  Well until next the time keep on smiling and remember everyone starts some place so let keep encouraging those around us and we'll see how far they all can really go.

Weight Loss Journey: My First Two Weeks of Intermittent Fasting

I recently discovered Reddit.  Specifically the subreddit r/loseit.  I was looking for some advice from fellow Weight Loss Journey takers to get me over my plateau.  I had one poster suggest Intermittent Fasting.  I had heard the term but was unsure what it was about so I went to YouTube for the low down.  I watched/listened to 10 or 15 videos and decided these people were crazy.

I love food.  How could I go 16 or more hours without eating?  I eat 4 or 5 meals a day, averaging 400-500 calories each.  I am very scheduled in my meal times.  However, when I cut to 1800 calories, from 2000, I found myself over eating in the evenings.  I also never felt full or satisfied.  I was eating because it was time to eat and I was never really hungry.  The diet was not fun at all, it was terrible.  I was a slave to my food and schedule.  My husband can attest to how moody I was becoming.

The science behind Intermittent Fasting actually makes a lot of sense.  When you fast, your body uses all the glucose in your body for energy.  When the glucose is depleted, your body turns to your fat storage for energy.  It goes along nicely with a low carb or Keto eating style.  Keto is a very strict low carb/high fat diet where you have less than 20-40 net carbs per day.  You avoid fruit and most of your carbs come from vegetables.  I have been contemplating Keto for a while and a lot of the Keto experts talk about fasting.  They both basically turn your body into a fat burner, instead of a glucose burner.  (Here is a great video on Keto and Fasting.)  So why not try Intermittent Fasting?

From all the videos I watched, here was my plan:

1.  16 hours fasting, allowing 8 hours of eating.
2.  On work days, no eating until after my work out, then a sensibly caloric meal.
3.  Only Coffee, water and my vitamins in the morning.
4.  If hunger gets to be too much, I will eat a small snack.
5.  Enjoy life, enjoy food and don't be hard on myself.

Day One - June 16th, 2016 - 1774 cals

I had the day off and left my house around 8:15.  I stopped and got an iced coffee with non fat milk and sugar free caramel syrup.  I also picked up a Protein Bistro box, in case this went terribly wrong.  I went with my sister to my nephew's graduation.  They had a pot luck type lunch around 12.  I grabbed some salami, cheese, meatballs and roast beef.  I also had a few bites of cake and a small bag of chips that one of the kids didn't eat.

I got home a little after 4, ate some cottage cheese and pop chips while I cooked a Spaghetti Squash in the microwave.  I scraped the squash and made myself an Italian dinner.  I added ground turkey, mushrooms, spaghetti sauce and parmesan cheese.  It was seriously delicious.  Later that night I had some pureed strawberries, with goji berries, cacao nibs and pumpkin seeds.  I ended the day just below 1800 calories.

Day Two - June 17th, 2016 - 1716 cals
I picked up coffee on my way to work and was there at 6:30.  I had only that and water until after my workout at 1:00.  I was unsure how my workout would go since I hadn't ate anything for 17 hours but it surprisingly went well.  I felt strong, hit a lot of reps and powered through 40 minutes of lifting.

When I got back to work at 2:00 I had cottage cheese, pop chips and another serving of the italian spaghetti squash.  We had dinner plans with some family that were here from Iowa.  We had dinner around 5:30.  I had a few fried pickles, salad, prime rib and veggies.  It was delicious and I was still under my calorie goal for the day.  I was finished eating around 6:00.

Day Three - June 18th, 2016 - 1744 cals
I had a very busy day scheduled and decided to break my fast at 9 am (15 hours).  I made myself a veggie scramble and was on the road around 10 to head north.  I ate a bit junky, enjoying locally made Apple Cider donuts, pepperoni sticks and smoked cheese.

I went to an Anniversary party with my Mom, Grandma, Sister and youngest Nephew.  The food was fantastic.  I avoided the carby foods.  I had Cesar salad, chicken and a summer vegetable tian which I will be making soon.  I stopped eating around 5 pm.  Again, was still under my calories.

Day Four - June 19th, 2016 - 1756 cals

We had Father's Day breakfast with Roger's parents at our normal Sunday place around 9 am.  I had a delicious ham and cheese omelette.  We went to Wal-Mart for a few things afterward, got home around 12 and I had 2 pepperoni sticks and 2 pieces of cheese.  I didn't eat again until around 4.  I made Pizza Chicken which is chicken layered with tomato sauce, turkey pepperoni and mozzarella cheese.  I had a cabbage salad with it.  I actually got very full, very fast so I ended my eating around 5:30.  I will be honest, it took a lot of willpower not to eat while we were just sitting at home until bed.

Day Five - June 20th, 2016 - 1957 cals
I was doing fine until after my work out today.  I made it back from the gym around 2:30 and was ready to eat.  My stomach wasn't growling but I felt like I needed to eat.  I had left over Pizza Chicken with some broccoli.  I attempted to pace myself but ate fairly fast.  I had fasted for 21 hours.  After I ate the Pizza Chicken, I thought that wasn't enough so I had a small bag of pop chips from my drawer and before I knew it, I had eaten all 3 bags.

That was an extra 300 calories and 45 carbs, way over my daily allowance.  I felt it too.  I was suddenly so tired and lethargic.  I could feel that it was spiking my blood sugar and I remembered why I quit carbs in the first place.  Lesson learned.  This is going to take some time to get a complete hold on but I know I can do it.  I felt like crap so made myself some veggie soup and ended up only 157 calories over my goal.

Day Six - June 21st, 2016 - 1931 cals

After yesterday's fiasco, I was tempted to scrap this whole thing but I really wanted to give this a good month or so to see the full results.  I have to be more in tune with my body and what it needs.  Today I fasted for 18 hours, eating at 11:15.  I had some leftover Pizza Chicken which I ate slowly and paced myself.  I feel much better.  I went go to the gym at 1:30 and came back to have leftover soup from last night.

I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and picked up some T-Bone steaks (50% off!!!), Ahi Tuna steaks and Corn on the Cob.  I ended up eating about 3 ounces of tuna, an ear of corn and some blue cheese kettle chips.  I didn't say I was perfect.

Day Seven - June 22nd, 2016 - 1726 cals
I broke my fast around 11:30 with some Ahi Tuna with a little soy sauce and sesame seeds.  It was so good and a perfect pre-workout meal.  After my upper body workout, I had a salad with some of the leftover T-Bone Steak.  It hit the spot.  I came home and put pork chops in the oven with Sauerkraut.  While it cooked I had some Johnson's Smokehouse Trail Mix.  You have to try this stuff.  It is AMAZING!  I added broccoli to my dinner and was good for the night.

Day Eight - June 23rd, 2016 - 1791 cals
I waited until after my work out today to break my fast.  I did squats and didn't want anything in my stomach, as this is my hardest day.  I had the last of the Tuna and Steak along with some cottage cheese.  It was one of the guy's birthday at work so I had half a piece of cheesecake.  I ate some pop chips while dinner baked in the oven.  I only had 2 servings but again, felt like crap after eating them.  I gave the rest of my pop chips to my co-workers.  We had Roasted Chicken Leg Quarters with Broccoli.  Simple and delicious.

Day Nine - June 24th, 2016 - 1382 cals
It's finally Friday and my final work out of the week.  I again worked out fasted.  I came back to work and ate leftovers from the pork chops a few nights ago and the chicken from last night.  I had ground beef out for dinner and decided to try making a meat pizza.  I used the ground beef, mixed with some eggs and seasonings, as the crust.  I had turkey pepperoni and mozzarella cheese as the toppings.  It was really good.  Next time I would add marinara or something for a sauce.  I will be making it again.

Day Ten - June 25th, 2016 - 1663 cals
I had a free Saturday.  I couldn't believe it.  A Saturday with no plans and no where to be.  Roger was working on our classic car so he was around but outside all day.  I took the opportunity to catch up on the house.  So often I get home from work, make dinner, maybe do the dishes and am done for the night.  I swept, mopped, vacuumed, dusted, folded, hung up and organized.  It was awesome.

I fasted until 1 pm and had the other half of my meat pizza and a salad with some chicken.  For dinner I threw together a soup with spaghetti squash, chicken and veggies.  I find soup is an easy way to get full and stay low calorie.  Cutting out breakfast has really kept my hunger at bay as well as an easy way to stay under my calorie goal.  I finished the day with almost 7,000 steps and 71 active minutes.  For not leaving the house, I thought it was great.

Day Eleven - June 26th, 2016 - 1783 cals
Our normal Sunday ritual is to go to the Silver Star Saloon and have breakfast before we go grocery shopping.  This day was no different.  I got a ham and cheese omelette with cottage cheese and tomato slices.  Afterward we headed to Fred Meyer for a few items.  I felt really weird.  Very sweaty, shaky and nauseous.  It was a similar feeling to when I eat too much sugar or carbs.  But there were very few carbs in my meal so I am not sure what was going on.

We headed north to Olympia after I settled down to have lunch for my Mom's birthday.  We went to Fujiyama, a Japanese steakhouse.  They cook your meal on the Hibachi grill in front of you.  We took my nephews and they loved it.  I had salmon and a double order of veggies, no rice.  It was so delicious.  Then we went to Trader Joe's and got some really good stuff.  I am looking forward to shopping there again.

Day Twelve - June 27th, 2016 - 1659 cals
Another work week under way.  I went to the gym fasted and worked upper body.  I belong to a support/motivation group on Facebook that includes a bunch of Instagram buddies.  It's called Team Chump To Champ and I asked them for some help with my work outs.  I find myself not being sore and I thought maybe I wasn't working hard enough.  They gave me some great tips and I had an outstanding work out.

I was fasted for 19 hours and had some Squash Spaghetti.  Basically it is just spaghetti with meat sauce, but the noodles are spaghetti squash.  I also had a salad with tuna and Trader Joe's Reduced Guilt Guacamole.  For dinner I made Turkey Burgers, from scratch.  If you think Turkey Burgers are dry and bland, make them yourself.  They are so easy.  I had mine bunless with an egg and guacamole on top.  Also a few Kalamata Olives on the side.

Day Thirteen - June 28th, 2016 - 1363 cals
I made an appointment with the trainer at my gym.  I just wanted some reassurance that I was doing the right work outs.  I am a paranoid person.  She said I was doing great.  My split was good and maybe I just needed to add some weight.  I was very happy.  After, I didn't have time for a work out so I went over to JC Penney to check out the new Boutique Plus Size collection.  What a load of BS.  Three racks does not a collection make.  I went to the Men's Big & Tall section, four racks.  I was actually pretty pissed.  The plus size clothing selection in this town is a joke.

I went back to work, had the same lunch as yesterday.  Salad and Squash Spaghetti.  It was payday so I went to the bank, the post office and then stopped at a new store called 8-28 Women's Clothing Exchange.  Thank you for restoring my faith in clothing selection.  The store was full of clothing, petite to plus.  I got a great jacket to wear over tank tops and I will be bringing in some of my clothes to sell.  After that, I stopped at Safeway for a few groceries and scored some pork chops for 50% off.  I paid $2 for nearly a pound of chops.  Super happy girl.  I had one chop with sauerkraut and a salad with avocado and salsa.

Day Fourteen - June 28th, 2016 - 1630 cals
I was determined to have a great work out after my meeting with the trainer.  I went in and told myself to push harder than ever before and I did.  I had a fantastic upper body day.  When I got back to work I had a pork chop, sauerkraut and squash spaghetti.  I went home and attempted to make Healthy Banana Pancakes.  I would say they were a fail.  When using almond flour and coconut flour, things are just so crumbly.  Roger ate them and I made a salad with some bacon, avocado and salsa.

Results

Weigh In Monday June 13th - 393.4

Weigh In Monday June 20th - 385.8
Weigh In Saturday June 25th - 381.2
Weigh In Thursday June 30th - 379.0

According to my medical record, I now weigh my lowest since February 2007.  My goal is to weigh around what I weighed when we got married in February 2005 by the end of the year.  I was 340 around then, so about 40 lbs to go.

Final Thoughts on Intermittent Fasting
I believe I have found my way again.  I am enjoying food, I am less stressed, I am not obsessing over menus and lists.  I find myself full in the evening and not wanting to snack.  I have very little hunger in fact.  I am able to stay under my calories without feeling like I am suffering.  I know this blog was long but I wanted to give a full view of at least 2 weeks of this trial.  I am going to stick with it.  I think the results speak for themselves.

Quick Non-Scale Victory...I fit into jeans from Old Navy!  In fact, the size 30s are not tight at all.  I probably could wear a 28!!

Josh's Journey: To my surprise...

To start my journey towards healthier living I was given a task. Not a big big task, but one that would open my eyes.  I was told to track how much I eat throughout the day and put it into a food journal.   WOW, what an eye-opening experience.  I never would have guessed how much food I was really eating.  And because I am always road, I never look at what I ate or drank throughout the day.

 

My breakfast would consist of a cup of coffee or a latte and an apple or toast, not that bad.  But then I'd walk in to one of my accounts and get something out of the deli or bakery.  My lunches would consist of celery, peanut butter, raisins, grapes and beef jerky, again, not that bad.  However, I'd get another latte before I got home.  Then, when I got home, I would snack on M&M's or some other kind of sweets while me or Kari made dinner.

  

What really got me were my dinners. I never thought my dinners were that out of control until I really looked how much I ate. For one meal I had corn on the cob, a Caesar salad and a steak.  A great balanced meal.  Except my portions were were out of whack.  2.5 servings of salad, corn on the cob covered with butter and Johnny 's seasoning and a 16 ounces of steak. Not a 4-ounce, or an 8-ounce steak, but a 16 OUNCE STEAK. That's 1 pound of meat! It blew my mind. That's when I realize just how much I really eat.

I know that I won't be able just to flip a switch and start eating less, but at least now I can make a conscience effort to watch how much I am really eating.

The Family That Loses Together....

If you are a regular reader, you know I have been on this Weight Loss Journey for 18 months.  I have lost 110 lbs as of this morning's weigh in.  My family and friends have been incredibly supportive and motivating, especially my sister, Kari, and her husband, Josh.  Josh called me last weekend and had a great idea for us all to do this together.  By all, I mean him, my sister, my husband Roger and I.  Saturday we met at their house, I shared my knowledge, took measurements and got them all started on My Fitness Pal to begin tracking their calories.

I will let them introduce themselves:

My name is Joshua Bryant. I am 33 years old with three very active boys all under the age of 5. With a very busy and hectic lifestyle I've never put a big emphasis on my own health. I've always tried to put the health of my kids and my wife before me. As I now look at myself, I am starting to realize that I can't keep up with my children, I am always tired, and my body feels like it is falling part.  I decided to start this journey down the path of a healthier lifestyle.  Not to deprive myself of food, but to be more conscious of the food that I put in my body.  My goal for this journey is to lose about 50 pound. To get down to a healthy weight of 150.  I want to be able to run with out being out of breath within 2 minutes. To be able to enjoy my children as they grow up and to enjoy my grandchildren as they come along and to overall become a healthy and vibrant person once again.

Hello!  I am Kari (Josh's wife and Kristy's sister).  I stay at home with our 3 crazy young boys.  I also have a craft business I run from our home...oh and an accounting job I do one day a week.  To say my days are busy and hectic is a complete understatement!  Out of the four of us, I am probably the most apprehensive about this journey.  I understand the importance to get and stay healthy but struggle with finding the time and energy to make it a success.  This is why doing this as a family is so important. My goal is to be comfortable in my body, whatever weight that may be.

Hi.  My name is Roger.  Kristy and I have been married just over 11 years.  I've always been a big guy but fairly active.  My wife is a great cook and after we married, we just stopped paying attention to how much we were eating.  I have a physically demanding job, keeping me on my feet for 8 to 10 hours a day.  My goal is to be able to do my job the best I can, curb my sugar addiction and catch up with my wife.

Weight Loss Journey: Not Giving Up

I am very frustrated and depressed.  This thyroid issue is pissing me off.  I started medication the first of April.  Almost 8 weeks later and I am still in the low 390s.  The first 5 weeks, I was very diligent in staying under 2000 calories and working out 4 or 5 times a week.  I did drop from 399 to 395 but the last 3 weeks I have been pretty lax and not working out very much.  My low weigh in was 390.4 and my highest was 396.2.  I know weight can fluctuate but it is getting frustrated.

I'll be honest with you all.  Maybe I wasn't working as hard as I should have been.  In my mind I was telling myself I was working as hard as I could and eating as healthy as possible.  But honestly, I wasn't.  I was being lazy in the gym and letting my mind tell me I was tired or wore out when I actually wasn't.  And while I was staying in my caloric goals according to my tracking, I was eating things and not tracking them.  That number on the scale was really getting under my skin.

I decided to start looking at old photos for some inspiration, to show myself how far I have come.  Apparently I didn't really let anyone take full body shots of me.  I did find a photo from March 2016 in the same dress that I wore to a friends wedding on May 21st.  Like I said, my weight hasn't dropped but maybe 5 lbs in this time period but I can tell there is a body difference.  My hips, belly and midsection look slimmer.

I don't have much else to talk about at the moment but I wanted to show that even I get bogged down.  And even though that damn scale isn't showing any changes, there are great changes going on in my body.  My sister, Mom and nephews came down the other day to have lunch with me.  We went to a local park and played on the toys.  I would have never been able to climb up the ladders or slide down the slides a year ago.  I even ran with the 2 year old and I wasn't dead tired afterward.  This is the reason I started.  I wanted to be able to play with my nephews and maybe, some day, a child of my own.  Only time will tell but I am not giving up.

Weight Loss Journey: What I Eat In A Day

After my last few blogs were pretty negative in tone, I thought I would brighten things up.  I started on a low dose thyroid medication on Saturday April 2nd.  That next week I dropped 5 lbs and then I put the scale away.  I didn't want to be checking it every single day.  I won't weigh in again until May 1st.  I am doing really well at keeping under 2,000 calories so I thought I would share with you all what I eat in a day.

BREAKFAST 8:00 am
Breakfast is the same every work day.  I make an egg scramble.  I meal prep the meat on Sunday and portion it out into 4 ozs or whatever the serving is.  I weigh everything out in order to track things accurately.  This keeps me full until around noon.  I also have a 24 oz coffee with almond milk (32 cals) and about 40 ozs of water.

142 grams Isernio's Chicken Breakfast Sausage (160 cals)

7 ozs sliced Zucchini (34 cals)

5 ozs sliced Button Mushrooms (30 cals)

8 ozs Liquid Eggs (123 cals)

Total:  347 Cals, 15 carbs, 6 fat and 37 protein

PRE-WORKOUT 12:00 pm
I try to keep pre-workout light but with some protein and carbs.  I have been really liking cottage cheese and berries.

8 oz Cottage Cheese (180 Cals)

3 ozs Black Berries (32 cals)

3 ozs Raspberries (17 cals)

Total:  229 Cals, 28 carbs, 6 fat and 25 protein

POST WORKOUT 2:45 pm
I use my lunch break to go to the gym.  I either do Cardio or weight lifting for 35 minutes, then come back to work and eat.  Post Workout is always a salad.

4 cups Spring Salad Mix (40 cals)
4 oz Boneless Skinless Chicken Thighs (166 cals)
2 tbsp Litehouse Opa Greek Yogurt Feta Dill Dressing (50 cals)
Total:  256 cals, 10 carbs, 15 fat and 23 protein

DINNER 6:00ish pm
Dinner can vary but we stick to about 10 or 15 dishes pretty consistently.   Here are a few.

6 oz Beef Chuck Steak (240 cals)

150 grams Yukon Gold Potato (120 cals)

2 cups Spring Salad Mix (20 cals)

2 tbsp Litehouse Opa Greek Yogurt Feta Dill Dressing (50 cals)

Totals:  430 cals, 32 carbs, 14 fat and 41 protein

Enchilada Filling:  20 oz Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast, 1 can of Low Sodium Black Beans, 1 large can of La Victoria Mild Red Enchilada Sauce.  Makes 10 Servings, 168 calories each.

3 La Tortilla Factory Low Carb Tortillas (80 cals each)

1.5 oz Mexican Cheese Blend

Totals:  745 cals, 87 carbs, 26 fat and 78 protein

7 ozs Boneless Skinless Chicken Thigh (245 cals)

8 ozs Yukon Gold Potato (138 cals)

6 ozs Birdseye Steamfresh Broccoli (60 cals)

Totals:  443 cals, 38 carbs, 11 fat and 46 protein

Beef Enchilada Bake

16 oz Grassfed Extra Lean Ground Beef

2 cups Instant White Rice

1 can Sweet Corn

1 can Low Sodium Black Beans

1 large can Enchilada Sauce

8 ozs Mexican Cheese Blend

Makes 4 large servings.  Can serve on a tortilla or eat in a bowl.

662 cals, 74 carbs, 18 fat and 51 protein

We also go out to eat maybe once or twice a month.  The above meal is from Ichi Teriyaki here in Longview.  I get no sauce on my chicken to keep the calories in check.  I look at MyFitnessPal for close matches when I eat out.  This meal came out to be 603 calories, 38 carbs, 16 fat and 68 protein.

In the evening I can have anywhere from 100 to 500 calories left.  I like to indulge in ice cream, popcorn or other simple snacks.  I found a really good diet ice cream called Halo Top.  It is hard to find and a bit expensive but well worth the effort.  The pint below is only 280 calories for the entire thing.  There is 60 carbs, 8 fat and 24 protein.  Compare that to regular ice cream and you will be blown away!

Weight Loss Journey: The Test Results Are In

I saw the Nutritionist last week and I did not get the results I had hoped for.  She said my logs looked good, I was doing everything right, and I just needed to work harder.  Lower my calories and burn more at the gym.  Let me tell you, I was really mad when I left.  I was depressed and pissed off.  I went to Taco Bell to drown my sorrows in Cheesy Frito Burritos.  After talking to my Mom and my husband, I calmed a bit but decided to make that day a cheat day and had pizza (Chicken and Spinach) for dinner.

I spent Friday thinking about what I needed to do.  I got a call from my doctor and she wanted me to come in to have some blood work done to check my vitamin levels.  I decided I was going to follow the nutritionist's advice for 4 weeks.  I would cut my calories to 2000 a day and change up my work outs to see what the results would be.  This requires planning and strategy.  I spent Friday evening writing up options for meals and making a shopping list.

Since Easter was Sunday, we did our weekly shopping on Saturday morning.  Do you have Cash & Carry where you are?  If so, check them out.  I find their produce selection to be top notch.  I can get my salad mix for $6 and it will last 2 weeks.  I also get mushrooms, zucchini, spinach, broccoli slaw, grape tomatoes, potatoes, diced ham and feta cheese.  It saves me money and helps with meal prep.  I spent a few hours Sunday night cutting veggies and weighing everything out.

Planning gives me the chance to try out a few new recipes too.  This week I made Zoodles with Shrimp and One Pot Chili Pasta (see recipes below).  I have to thank my husband for being so patient and open minded on weeks like this.  Let's just say I have been a little crazy about this and analyzing things even more than usual.  He was not a huge fan of the Pasta Chili.  He hates tomatoes, but he ate it anyway.  He did like the Zoodles and Shrimp.  I was surprised how much like pasta it actually felt.

I try to eat 4 times a day.  Breakfast, Pre-Workout Snack, Lunch Post-Workout and Dinner.  This week I have added in a few more supplements.  A ProBiotic, a calcium chew, a milder iron supplement, a chewy daily vitamin and a pre-workout energy mix.  This is in addition to my B12, D3 and Alpha Lipoic Acid.  They are working because some of my blood work has come back and my Vitamin D Levels went from 15 to 38 (normal is 20-80) and my B12 levels went from 230 to 588 (normal 200-914).  My Ferritin levels, which measure your bodies ability to hold onto iron, have went from 22 to 32 in a year.  Normal range for that is 11-307.  

Along with those good results have come some questionable ones.  My TSH or Thyroid Stimulating Hormone came back at 3.24 which is right in the middle of the 0.34 to 5.60 range.  However, my T3 which is part of the thyroid system came back at 82 which is lower than the 87-178 range.  Also my urine test showed more protein that normal.  My number was 147 and the range should be less than 29.  This is the test that worries me.  It shows kidney damage and possible kidney disease.

As of right now, I feel like I am fighting with my body.  According to the doctors and all my research, I am doing everything right.  I am eating very healthy, keeping active, keeping low carb, getting plenty of water and taking all my vitamins.  This week I have been keeping under 2000 calories a day and working out.  On Monday morning I was 397.6 but Friday morning I was 399.6.  Can you see why I am super frustrated?  I have been working hard, cutting and I gained weight.  Needless to say, I am waiting to hear from my doctor to see what to do.  I was in tears all Friday morning.  My Mom finally calmed me down and told me I should stop dieting for a week because me being so stressed and upset just isn't worth it.  I am so happy with my progress and how I feel but I am also so depressed.  

If you have made it this far down the blog, THANK YOU!  I sometimes just need to get this shit written out so I can process it.  I will keep you all updated on my progress and what is in store for my health.

Weight Loss Journey: Food Addiction and Obsession

addiction - noun
the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.
"he committed the theft to finance his drug addiction"
synonyms: dependency, dependence, habit, problem

This was a facebook thing but I thought it was so fitting.

I think I have always been a food addict.  Always thinking about what I could be eating.  Thinking about Lunch as I am finishing Breakfast.  Hiding snacks in my bedroom.  Hiding the evidence of what I had eaten.  It's a shameful thing.  I did my best to hide it in my teens and 20s but it was obvious I was gaining weight.

"A food addiction or eating addiction is a behavioral addiction that is characterized by the compulsive consumption of palatable (i.e., high fat and high sugar) foods – the types of food which markedly activate the reward system in humans and other animals – despite adverse consequences."

The thing about food addiction is that you can't live without it.  You can't just stay away from food.  It is essential to your survival.  Alcoholics can avoid alcohol, and situations involving it.  Food addicts can avoid restaurants but you have to eat.  And in my family, food seems to always be the way we get together.  Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, it doesn't matter, we are having a meal.  My first question is always, what are we having and what can I bring.

Have you ever sat down to watch a movie or tv with a bag of chips or cookies and suddenly realized that you have eaten the entire bag?  That was me all the time.  And in College, I had an hour break between work and class.  I would always spend that hour eating a bag of fast food while studying or finishing homework,.  I was spending $10 to $20 a day on fast food.  That habit continued into adulthood.

When I had Gastric Bypass in 2003, I thought I had broken that cycle.  I was determined that this physical change I had made in my body would cure my mental illness.  But, it was only a matter of time before my addiction took over again.  18 months ago, I was back in the cycle pretty hard.  Buying breakfast and lunch everyday.  Spending every extra cent on snacks and junk food.  I was drinking liters of Diet Coke daily.  I thought everything was great, but don't all addicts?

When I finally decided I had to change my life, it was my head that changed.  I had been to therapy, read every bit of research I could, tried every diet, and every pill.  Nothing worked until my brain changed.  I've dropped 105 lbs in the last 15 months.  But now my addiction has switched to a Diet Obsession.

obsession - noun
1. the state of being obsessed with someone or something.
"she cared for him with a devotion bordering on obsession"
2. an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.
plural noun: obsessions
"he was in the grip of an obsession he was powerless to resist"
synonyms: fixation, passion, mania, compulsion, preoccupation

I count every calorie of everything that goes into my mouth.  I log it on MyFitnessPal and use my FitBit to keep track of my calories burned vs my calories ingested.  I watch YouTube videos on diets, weight lifting and calorie counting.  I plan my meals out a week in advance and eat the same exact thing for Breakfast, Lunch and Post-Workout, every day of the work week.  It's a numbers game and it's driving me insane.

Typical Dinner in my house includes a baked potato with a little cheese, chicken breast and green beans, along with a glass of V8 juice.

Since October 1st, nearly 6 months, I have only dropped 10 lbs.  I've been on this giant plateau where I have tried so many changes.  I've dropped my calories, upped my workouts, used some supplements and now I have added in a protein shake.  I am burning 3500 calories and ingesting about 2000.  This leaves me a 1500 calorie deficit and over a week, that equals a 10500 calorie deficit.  A pound is equal to 3500 calories, therefore, I should be losing around 3 lbs a week.  So what the heck is the problem here?

Two typical days for me.  Around 5000 steps, 4000 calories burned and a work out tracked.

I go to a nutritionist on Thursday this week but in the mean time, I am completely freaking out over this stuff.  Constantly talking about it with my husband and trying to do research on what I am doing wrong.  Is it a thyroid issue?  Have I done metabolic damage to myself?  Am I destined to be this weight?  Am I gaining muscle instead?  It is on my mind at all times and has seriously become an obsession/addiction.  Maybe I will never recover from this.

Weight Loss Journey: How My Gym Make Me Feel...

I hear a lot of flack about Planet Fitness not being a "real" gym.  I call bullshit.  Planet Fitness has everything a regular gym has, plus more.  I don't share a lot about my gym experience.  It's not overly exciting.  I go 3-5 days a week.  If you follow me on Instagram, you see photos from most of my workouts.  There are even days where I go twice.  I mostly keep to myself, wearing ear buds and doing my own thing.  Occasionally I have someone talk to me.  I wave to the familiar people.  In fact, I have met some really great people.

I have had only two bad experiences.  The first, a younger woman asked me not to breath so hard on the elliptical.  I apologized and said I thought that was the point of working out but maybe I had it wrong.  Then, a few days ago, an older woman came up to me and told me if I worked a bit harder, the weight would just fall off.  After I informed her I had already lost 100 lbs in 14 months, she said it again and followed it up with, "Just a friendly tip".  I just walked away from her.  I mentioned this experience when talking to a fellow gym member and he was astounded.  He noted that I work really hard and my paces and RPMs are even higher than his own.

But, for those two bad experiences, I have had at least 20 great ones.  I could start with the employees.  Misty at the front counter greets me with a smile EVERY DAY.  She knows my name, says hello and offers me tips and advice, even sometimes in a British accent.  Aspen, the trainer, is also really nice.  Even though I have never taken any of his classes, he goes out of his way to say hello and answer any questions I have.  Andrew, another employee has seen me come in twice a day at times and is always there with a hello and a goodbye.

Out on the floor, I see some of the same people, day in and day out.  There is Chad who started a conversation with me about an invention and now comes by if I am on a machine just to say hello.  We had a conversation a few days ago about this very blog.  Then there is Jake who never misses a chance to smile and give me a fist bump of encouragement.  And Bob, an older man, who approached me because he wanted to know how I got started and how he could help his daughter who is overweight and has diabetes.  Another person I see nearly daily, I don't know her name, but I call her Walker Lady.  We have talked a few times.  She waits for the bus and wishes me a good day as I leave.  She trucks on her walker through the gym, using the treadmill, stationary bike and weight machines.  She's amazing.

My most interesting conversations happen in the locker room.  There are a few women who I see as I am coming in and a few I see as I am heading out.  There is Rosie who has been coming to the gym longer than I have.  Her husband has diabetes and she comes to the gym to get away.  Another woman who's doctor warned her that her cholesterol was high and she needed to start working out.  She is thin and has always been active.  She didn't understand.  I was late back to work one day because we had such a long conversation.

I write this blog because I want you, reading this, to know that the gym isn't as scary as it seems.  It's become my home away from work, my break in my day and my sanctuary.  If you have a Planet Fitness near you, check them out.  Also, don't stick to one part of the gym.  Do more than what you know or may be easy.  At Planet Fitness, all the machines have pictures and instructions on how to use them.  Give them a shot.  If you already go to a gym, how does your gym make you feel?

Quiet Book for Nephew #2

 If you have been reading this blog since the beginning, you may remember the Quiet Book (or sometimes called Busy Book) I made for Logan, Nephew #1.  I gave it to him for his 2nd Birthday so I knew I had to do the same for Nephew #2, Landon.  I have roughly 16 months until I have to have my final one done for Nephew #3, Leo.

Here is the cover of Landon's book.  I used denim, felt, bias tape a button and an elastic hair tie.  You can see a snarl on the bottom.  I was having problems with the tension in my machine and actually broke the bobbin.  Next, the screw broke that holds the presser foot.  It was a hot mess, to say the least.  His name is made of felt that I fabric glued.  I sewed a hair tie to the back and then used a button to secure it shut.

Page #1 is a clock page.  The hands can move and are made of plastic that i colored with a black sharpie.  The face is felt with fabric paint.  The background is meant to represent night and day.  It was the first page I put together and one of my favorites.

This is the first of 3 two-page spreads.When Landon was younger, he used to throw socks everywhere.  So, when I saw this idea online I knew I had to try.  I redid this page a few times.  I screwed up the door and it was trial and error with the socks.  I needed a strong enough magnet but thin enough to not make the page bulky.  There are three sock cut outs in each pattern.  One to glue to the page with a strip magnet underneath and the other two get sewn together with a small strong magnet I got at Harbor Freight.  He can put them in the dryer or the basket or keep them on the magnetic page.

Nest is a puzzle kite.  Nothing too extreme.  However, I learned from Logan's book that all parts should be attached to the book somehow.  Each piece has a string of rik rak sewn to it then they are sewn to the page under the bow.  The puzzle pieces are felt and there is a small piece of velcro on the back of each.  There is a full kite shape underneath that the velcro sticks to.

I am not overly thrilled with this page but I do love the kid in the puddle.  He is made from felt, hand stitched and so cute.  This should help him learn his colors and how to spell them.

This is the counting page.  I used the same fabric as Logan's counting page in his book.  It was fabric my mom gave me that she had for years.  I simply strung beads and buttons on ribbon, glued felt numbers and sewed the ribbon to the page.

This is the girliest page in the book.  It should help him learn how to use buttons.  Each flower has a slit in it with rik rak glued to it.

This pizza page should also help him with counting.  Plus, who doesn't love pizza?  I made sure the pieces were attached to the book but they have since been ripped out by him so I will have to figure something better out.  The pizza is made of felt and glued together.

The shapes and textures on this page are really cute.  I got the textured felt on clearance at Wal-Mart for 10 cents a sheet.

I call this final page the Puppy Page.  It will help him learn to use a slide closure.  It's so cute and was really easy.  The dog is made of felt and the spots are glued on.  I got the dog collar at the dollar store.  

All in all I love the book.  It took many hours and a lot of supplies but my nephews are worth every pin prick.